Letting Go

Photo by Sharon D. Pruitt

Letting go is a big part of yoga. We let go of the past. We let go of worrying about things in the future. We concentrate on the moment at hand. It is not always easy. Try sitting quietly for 5 minutes and see what pops up in your head. Keeping our mind open is challenging but it is a worthy goal. A clear mind allows us to act instead of react. It creates a peace and calmness that is beneficial to creating a healthy life.

As parents, one of our main jobs is to raise our young to be independent enough to let them go live their own lives. But that is not always easy either. There are many moments a parent must loosen the invisible leash (and no, I don’t believe in those real kid leashes you see people using in the malls or amusement parks). Switching from nursing to bottles, taking the school bus to first sleepovers, we must continue to allow our children room to move and grow. Sometimes I find that my child has been straining against the invisible leash and I have to quickly give out some more line when bedtimes need to be extended or cell phones need to be granted. It is hard to be present to the changes that are occurring in our children daily.

My son has begun to take his leash in his own hand this summer. With the courage of someone much older, he boarded a plane to attend an amazing adventure camp called Adventure Treks. For 16 days he will be in the wilderness backpacking, mountain climbing, caving, mountain biking, white water rafting and sea kayaking. The day he left I felt out of sorts. I was melancholy. It wasn’t until I saw a picture of him posted with a smile – a real smile – was I able to breathe. This trip will be a big push in letting go for both of us. I can’t wait to see how it manifests itself once home. The room he thought was too small will feel luxurious. Hopefully the texting cell phone that he desires will feel unnecessary too! I am trying to stay in the present and not project how he will be once home—more distant, extra loving, annoyed that he must spend the rest of the summer with mom. Who knows. What I do know is when I got a surprise call from him the other day he sounded different. His voice was deeper! He is changing and as a parent I must keep up with those changes. Stay in the present. Take some deep breaths and smile on toward the future.

Here is a five minute meditation video. Give it a try!

So Much To Do: Never Enough Time

Photo by D Sharon Pruitt

Every year we as parents must decide in which extra-curricular activities our children participate. The options are many and time is limited. How do you pick what to spend money on to broaden the horizons of one’s brood? A parent who grew up loving a particular sport naturally has the desire to share their experience with the next generation. Others take a more free form tactic and sign up for things based on timing, friends participating and cost.

I realized that times had changed from when I grew up when in second grade kids were trying out for competitive travel leagues and learning from an early age the difference between the A team, B team and C team.  Some kids at the ripe age of 8 were learning what it means not to be good enough for any team. Is that really necessary? Trying out for the freshman soccer team entering high school having never played (as I did back in the 1980s) would not work in this day in age. Kids are driven to pick a sport and excel so that by the time they enter 8th grade a spot on the JV or Varsity team is within their reach. I truly don’t get this attitude and generational shift.

What is the purpose of this intense approach? Are potential scholarships the end goal?  Why has playing kick ball or capture the flag with the neighborhood kids been replaced by structured practices where parents are watching every move? We have created kids who preform for the trophies, the snacks, praise from parents and coaches and these external motivators are shown not to help kids in the real world.

Dr. Tony McGroarty wrote a great article about the differences between external and internal motivation in youth sport. Click here to see the article. Daniel Pink wrote a great book called Drive that addresses the hows and whys of motivation and proves that the common methods our society uses to motivate people at work and school are not effective and can actually be counter productive.

I believe that parents of my generation have forgotten what being a child is all about. I believe that it is important to expose your children to many activities because you do not know what might strike a passion. At some point focusing deeper will be important but that should be when your child knows what really makes them tick. To limit a child’s focus on a sport too early limits their idea of who they are or who they might want to be not to mention that it creates body imbalances that often result in injuries.

Recently I spoke to Kristi Gaylord from Midtown Athletic club (where I am employed) about the benefits of yoga versus dance. Here is a link to the article she wrote discussing the differences between the two activities from a parents and young girl’s perspective. As parents we must chose wisely what types of activities and when to expose them to our children.

There are a lot of benefits to being active in all types of sports. It is the parent’s job to decide what is right for their children. It is also our job to give our children the opportunity to learn about themselves – what they like, what they naturally excel at, what makes them happy and to appreciate the strength of their bodies

A Different Kind of Summer

Final recitals, final exams, final days of school are all colliding. Weather has finally warmed up and rain soaked lawns have dried out. Summer is upon us with the expectation of new possibilities and adventures all helping to push the pace of these final days until vacation.

Last summer I lamented about the busy schedule that my kids kept with different camps which amounted to a lot of driving to and from places. This summer is sure to be very different. With one child still busy with day camps, the other has two weeks away with the remainder of the summer filled only with evening commitments three times a week and nothing but time during the day. Coming from a family where my parents decided for us that that we would go to sleep away camp all summer long (thankfully we loved it), the idea of staying home with no camps lined up has always been an intriguing thought.  A summer of sleeping in, reading, riding bikes and swimming. Calling each day as it comes. Savoring the moments of summer in a leisurely manner. It sounds really nice to me.

But how will my big camper handle such a summer? Recently I decided to shed light on the fact that I will still have my usual things to do that typically happen sight unseen while the kids are at school or camp. Laundry, groceries, organizing and teaching some classes are still on my plate summer vacation or not. This means some necessary down time and the thought of down time did not sit well with my big camper. A child used to camps with cruise director styled activities with a whole unscheduled summer ahead will have a lot to learn about down time. Yes. This summer will be very different. I can’t wait to see what we all learn.