My friend Renee, who writes the blog Lessons From Teachers and Twits, recently struck a chord when she wrote a post about an incident where she witnessed parents kowtowing to their child’s demands. She posed the question — what kind of parent are you? Do you say YES to your child to avoid the possible unpleasant meltdowns? Do you have fear of disappointing your child? Do you think your child should always be happy?
I had replied to my friend’s post that I think that I actually have the opposite issue at hand. NO comes easily… maybe too easily. NO has often been my default answer. Until I watched Yes Man with Jim Carrey…
After loving the movie, I decided to try to answer YES more often with my kids to see what would occur. Stopping the pattern of saying NO took effort. This is what I learned from saying YES.
1) Yes took me outside to shoot hoops.
2) Yes dragged me from my computer to play Guess Who and Uno Spin.
3) Yes had me playing Guess Who and Uno Spin over and over and over.
4) Yes had me walk away from something I was doing to immediately fix whatever dilemma was at hand… homework issues, typing in website addresses, helping to look for something that went missing, buying those project materials the day they were asked for instead of waiting until the day before the project is due (note to self… do not teach children the fine art of procrastination).
I found that YES pulled me away from my little bubbles of selfish escapes found in a book or on the computer or phone and back into the lives of my kids. I didn’t overindulge them in junk food (they probably knew better than to even try), but I did overindulge them in time with me. Connecting with one’s parents is what kids are really looking for anyway—not that extra hot dog or Barbie doll or hour of tv.
So YES did not lead me into indulging the kids in “stuff ” but it did lead me into indulging the kids in the stuff that life is really about. Say YES to connecting with your kids, but say no to that second hot dog.
4 comments
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June 15, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Kitty
I love this!! I read a book when I was going to grad school to learn to be an elementary teacher in which the author had decided to say “Yes” in the classroom instead of always “no”. For example, when the students were assigned a project, she would say yes to their requests, ideas, and tangent projects as long as the understanding was shown and the request was reasonable. This empowered the students and allowed them to stretch their imaginations…. AND she found that most often times, the students ended up doing more work than the original assignment… and enjoyed doing it, too! I think that having a “yes” attitude makes such an amazing difference in your own life and the life of those around you. Obviously, it needs to be within reason…. but I absolutely love that you are taking the same stance!! Yes man!
June 16, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Lisa Flynn / ChildLight Yoga
Thank you for this. I’m taking note of this powerful post and am inspired to put more ‘yes!’ into daily life as a parent.
June 16, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Amy/The PranaMama
Thanks for this post – we all need to say yes more often. Personally, my husband and I struggle over this – he is much more of a NO parent. I am the easy one. 🙂
June 22, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Maria Perez
So true. I was at the public library yesterday and a mother stopped in with her pre-school age son. She was looking for books for herself and he quietly asked her if they could go to the children’s section so that he could take out some books. The mother immediately said “no. You and your brothers have enough books at home.” But, he insisted quietly, “momma, I don’t have as many books as my brothers. can I take out a book?” And the mother said “Enough. I said no.” And she then proceeded on walking away from her son to continue looking for her book and he just sat down on the floor to play with DVDs. That may have been a missed opportunity for her to connect for a moment with her son that day and sit together while she read to him. As you said in your post, perhaps she didn’t want to be “pulled me away from her little bubbles of selfish escapes” and wanted to stay on her own schedule.