Impermanence and Detachment

When I was little, I believed things became constant and that all of the whirlwind changes of growing up stilled once you became an adult. I thought life would have less surprises, that relationships stayed the same, that when you chose a way to make a living you stuck with that choice, that adulthood would have the answers and would be easier. What a shock to discover that life is constant in its ability to continue to change every year, every day and every moment. Once I came to accept that life is about impermanence and is ever in flux and changing, it did, in fact, get easier.

Have you accepted life’s perpetual changes or do you still hold hope for the elements to settle?

Once I fully owned that life would consist of ups and downs, have its happy moments along with stressful and that relationships change, I was able to detach myself and more easily “go with the flow” of the moment. If all things change, than banking on something or attaching myself to an idea, person or thing was pointless. Instead it requires a finer awareness of what matters which is this very moment.

Accepting impermanence and detachment creates an inner peace that does become a new constant. I find that when I begin to get into my head with worry or fear or self doubt that I have fallen out of the moment and attached myself to an idea of what life should be. Realizing that this too will change brings me back to now.

100 Percent or Bust

It is no small feat to give 100%. It takes real effort to put full effort into a task. But without trying your absolute best, you are cheating yourself out of true accomplishment.

How often do we miss opportunities by only half trying? When communicating with loved ones, how often is there full eye contact? I’m not pointing fingers. Really I’m not. I’m sometimes guilty of typing or reading the paper or looking at email while having a conversation. It’s easy to multitask but while doing so I miss the feeling of really connecting.

I recently read in an insightful book called The Game of You that every time we cut corners, give up, put something off or show up late we start to lose trust in ourselves and decrease our self-esteem. These lack luster attempts add up to feelings of dissatisfaction and stagnation.

To move forward we must believe and trust ourselves which we can only do if we know we are trying our hardest at everything we say we are going to do. Follow through until the end. When we consistently miss the mark by not putting forth the effort we begin to create and reinforce a false story about ourselves that we can’t achieve. However, when we follow through until the end we reinforce our ability to take the steps to fulfill both the little and big dreams we have in life.

I took a yoga class today from the amazing Aimee Bohn who talked about the 90 degree knee in standing poses. She said that often people don’t trust their quads and hold the pose midway which doesn’t allow the body to strengthen and doesn’t allow progress. It is better to get fully into the asana and come out and go back then go half way. You only get stronger by giving it your all.

Are there places in your life where you take short cuts or avoid a task or don’t show up? Pick one of these moments and show up fully today. Then tackle another task and another with full attention and effort until you are living your life as the 10 that you are.

Sitting in Discomfort

One of the hardest things for me to do is to sit in that awful place of discomfort. Life is chock full of these moments. I get to practice being in this place more times than I’d like. I think I am getting better at it but then all of a sudden I’m back in deep and it seems so overwhelming. For me these moments are usually found in times of confrontation, uncertainty or conflict. I know now to take time to concentrate on my breath. I try not to get to caught up with thoughts as those just seem a method that my brain uses to make sense out of the situation and may just be stories created that hold no real truth. So what do you do if you can’t think your way out? Breathe. Concentrating on the moment at hand through breath is the only truth when things are not clear. It is so simple. Breath can dissipate these uncomfortable feelings of anxiety, anger and stress. Inhale 1. Exhale 2. Inhale 1. Exhale 2. It is as easy as… taking a breath.

Taking Risks

Photo by Joe Philpson

Do one thing a day that scares you.

I think about these words of wisdom taken from a Lululemon advertisement often. As a yoga teacher for kids, I see how young children approach new ideas and challenges. They tend to go for it without thinking of being judged or making mistakes or the need to think things through. You show kids an inversion and they are flying in the air without a doubt to hold them back.

As we get older the fear of what people think begins to take hold. Usually this begins around 5th grade and accelerates through middle school. We place self-judgment before action and it stifles growth and living authentically.

Growth occurs in times of discomfort. Allow yourself to stretch into that discomfort and see how you can begin to set yourself free. Learn something new. Be vulnerable in relationships. Tap into your creativity. Push yourself physically. There are many ways that you can spread your wings and take flight in your own life.

When we take a step into risk, whether we succeed or fail, we learn more about who we really are. Jump into risk and find your true self. Take a risk and live life big.

Wake Up and Listen

Being both a yogi and runner has been enlightening this last year. As I recovered from a six month-long achilles injury, I increased my yoga practice. As I increased my yoga practice, I corrected a lot of misalignment and weakness in my feet and legs caused by running and increased my hip and hamstring flexibility tremendously. As my flexibility increased, my injury began to heal. Finally I was able to run again pain and shoe insert free!

But something had changed inside me besides my healed achilles tendon.

In the six months of waiting desperately to run, I began to really listen to my body. I realized that for years my body had been telling me things which I refused to hear. The constant pain I lived in from compacting my muscles from running long distances accentuated by stretching these tight muscles with yoga seemed normal. A runner is conditioned to push through pain and disassociate the messages our brain is telling us to run longer or faster because the body will.

The practice of yoga is called a practice because everyday we come to the mat and listen to what our body needs. Yoga helps us become mindful of what our mind and body is saying. We learn to turn off our mind of needless thoughts not as a way to push our body past a point of pain. Yoga helps us be comfortable in our bodies and minds.

I have started running again on trails and for short distances. I walk up hills sometimes instead of charging up them as if my life depends upon it and I really listen to my legs and bring awareness to my stride. I have woken up to what a body free of pain feels like and I can’t go back to punishing my body in the name of a PR. Marathons are still in my dreams but I have woken up and will approach my running with a new mindfulness and gratefulness. I have woken up and I have no choice but to listen.

One Last Resolution

On the way to teach yoga, I was thinking about the coming year 2012 and how we are bombarded with so many messages about making New Year’s resolutions in the media. I too have a resolution to add to your list. In fact, put this resolution right at the top.

I will find complete self-acceptance in 2012.

Now erase all resolutions that follow. Ah. Doesn’t that feel like freedom!

I completed my Baron Baptiste teacher training this past summer. Baron Baptiste strives to create teachers that come from a true and authentic place. To accomplish this we worked on ridding ourselves of the garbage that we carry—the stories that we believe about being unworthy, unlovable and just not enough. We worked to get to the place where we had 100% self-acceptance. We had to stand in front of 150 other teachers in training and declare that we were 10s. We had to do this with certainty and belief. It was hard.

Our society is accustomed to thinking that we will be a 10 if we lose those last 5 pounds, get that better job, nicer house, faster car or fill in the blank. We need to erase the wrinkles on our aging faces and tighten our sagging bottoms and have washboard abs to be our best.

But it is just not true.

We are all 10s—right here and right now. You do not have to do a single thing but arrive and approach everything that you do as the 10 that you are.

Try on the resolution of self-acceptance. See what the possibilities of believing yourself a 10 bring this 2012.  Treat everyday this year as the special gift that it is and have a very Happy New Year.

Growing Up—It’s Not Just for the Kids

Photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

E.E. Cummings once wrote,”It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.” That quote has hit home hard.

It probably started with my planning to attend a week-long yoga teacher training this summer. Making that week happen took a lot of planning, coordinating and a huge amount of fear facing. I was very present to my fears during training. I made myself get up to speak at the mic the first day knowing that if I didn’t, I never would. Then I made myself go up again. Facing my fear of what other people thought of me, possible rejection and potential embarrassment was a huge step toward being the kind of teacher I want to be.

I was and wasn’t surprised to find so many fellow teachers in the midst of personal crises. I think yoga teachers are a thoughtful and soulful bunch looking to better themselves and others so it was somewhat obvious that many would be searching and evolving. Being very content and grateful for what my life is I really didn’t think that I would have a huge AHA! moment as many around me did. I did have a small ahhh moment however when I discovered that I was a pleaser when looking for an archetype that describes me. I was so disappointed in myself! I wanted something romantic like a dreamer or explorer or someone thought highly of like a pillar or adviser. But pleaser it is. I had been in total denial. It makes sense to me upon reflection. Now that I am aware, I find myself in that role all over the place. The thing about being a pleaser is that I tend to find myself in the middle a lot. The uncomfortable middle place between wanting to please two groups with differing view points. Yoga is great for learning to sit with those uncomfortable moments. But, until I realized that I was a pleaser, I didn’t realize that I had a real say. I reacted without really knowing to sit in the discomfort for a bit to figure out my voice.

All of this leads to my latest uncomfortable middle place. I have recently gone against the wishes of my parental units when they didn’t approve of some personal choices. Don’t most people do this in their teens! Either I never had a need to or never noticed that I pleased without listening to my voice. It has not been easy standing up for my beliefs. I have had to fight through a lot of pleaser guilt to find the strength in my convictions.

I recently read that growth only comes in times of discomfort, and so it seems, that at 42 years old I might have just finally grown up.

Be Open to Possibility

Photo by Graham King

I recently completed a week long teacher training with Baron Baptiste. It was intense, powerful and surprisingly life changing. Not only did we practice and learn to teach yoga, but we did a lot of personal exploration. Baron believes that to teach yoga you must find your authentic self and teach from the truth that is you. We talked a lot about possibility.

As the weeks have passed since returning from Menla, I have found that my training hasn’t finished. Not at all. In fact my training seems to have just begun as the lessons that I learned while away are integrating into my life. Change is happening and possibilities abound .

I see how my interactions are different because of learning more about myself and knowing that I speak from a truth that is part of me and can’t be ignored.

I see how possibilities open up in strange ways. My running has been curtailed by injury and in its place has crept mountain biking which I find thrilling, new and very yogic. The more I’m in the trails, the more I see how mountain biking requires you to be NOW HERE (as Baron would say) because if you are not totally absorbed on the trail right in front of you, you will find yourself NO WHERE in a tree or down a cliff. You have to get the stories out of your head and just be.

Being open to possibility also means that I need to be attentive to the talk in my head that makes me doubt myself. I have to remember that we all are full of awesomeness, and with that confidence, I need to approach everything that I do.

I realize now that my training will be a life long pursuit, but if I step up to the edge in my life, the possibilities are there to be seized.

School Days = School Craze

Photo by D. Sharon Pruit

I recently came across a blog post from pigtailpails.com that I shared on Facebook that struck a cord with many parents. The title of the post is Waking Up Full of Awesome. If you haven’t read it, please check out the link as it is short but poignant.

Being the first week of school, most parents have fingers crossed that their children are heading into a year of success both academically and socially. So many self perceptions evolve during those hours away at school.

A friend of mine whos daughter entered 7th grade this week shared that she had heard a principal say that he wished girls would stay how they are in 6th grade – confident, excited, loving life and themselves because in 7th grade self-esteem and confidence drop and peer pressures become more demanding. These girls change.

Many people are still working through traumatic childhood moments in their adult life stemming from messages they picked up from others back in elementary and middle school.

It is heartbreaking to see confident girls lose their authentic awesomeness in order to belong.

I strongly believe that yoga is a pathway for young people to access and proudly display their true selves. Through yoga kids find internal and physical strength, see themselves grow and change and see their life’s path more clearly.

As an adult or child, finding your center allows you to navigate through the challenging moments in life with an internal compass that will not steer you astray.

Whether your child is struggling or not, introducing yoga into their lives will benefit them as they find themselves and head into adulthood.

Calm First Day of School Jitters

Photo by Dean Gugler

It’s that time of year again. Many parents are taking a big sigh of relief while others are feeling their own butterflies with the onset of another year of unknown possibilities. Here is a post I wrote two years ago about school nerves followed by a few others about transitions and anxiety. No matter how we feel about the beginning of the school year, it is far better to be present than worry about the future or dwell on the past.

Parenting Is Hard Work – Yoga Keeps It In Perspective

The kids went off to school yesterday…

The night before the big day everyone actually fell asleep easily. My daughter did a little yoga in bed beforehand and it worked like a charm and my son read until he was tired and went to bed at a reasonable time. My husband who is a night owl even went to bed early…. it was just me who had the new school year nerves. Would my daughter like her teacher who is known to be great but strict? Will my son’s high expectations of the 5th grade be met or will there be first day disappointment? There were lunches to be made, notes to teachers filled, asthma medicine to be dropped off. How did school get here so quickly?!

I found myself taking some deep breaths-lying on my back with my hand on my stomach. I allowed those anxious thoughts to pass without bringing full attention to them. I slowed down my breath counting to five as my belly filled. I held my breath for a count and then let my belly fall… and soon I too fell asleep.

As parents, it is so easy to get caught up in the trials and tribulations of our children’s lives. We have hopes and dreams and try so hard to teach them the right things; nutrition, physical fitness, how to be a friend, how to be responsible, how to make good choices. The list could go on and on. At some point we need to just breathe. Accept that although we may have brought these little people into the world, they are individuals with opinions (sometimes different than our own). Like those anxious thoughts that I had last night, sometimes it is better to look at our children and their choices (as long as they are not life threatening) and put some distance between them and our feelings and beliefs.  Be with our children without always turning every moment into a learning experience or trying to control the outcome. Our children’s choices can seem to be a direct reflection of our parenting but sometimes it is just a reflection of our children’s preferences which are different than our own.

Three ways yoga can help parenting:

• Focus on one’s own breath—let your child breath on his/her own.
• Find one’s own inner peace so that your child’s life doesn’t become the main focus of your own.
• Hone your Ahimsa skills by bringing an attitude of loving kindness and acceptance to your own life as well as your child’s.

Other posts about transitions and anxiety.

Help Kids Navigate Through the Stress of Life

Transitions

Positive Affirmations Help Kids